saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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