We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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