im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
