I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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