when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
not ubering you a puppy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
