If that was your dad, he is hot
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
