I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Acid is not a monday night drug
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
