Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
