its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
