just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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