i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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