I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
