Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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