someone threw a dead crab at me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
