On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
