I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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