I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
