Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
