Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
