So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
