well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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