I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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