I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
