Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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