ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
