why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
