Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
