i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
did i walk over a car last night?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
