so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
