Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
