i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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