Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
