I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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