she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
