i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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