I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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