Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
