Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
