I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
