dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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