k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
