Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
