Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want nice things and good sex
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
