Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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