I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so let's talk penis.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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