Can i not drive my cunt home
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
