Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
