I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
