you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
