i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
