I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You took a bar mat shot.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
