Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Damn victory sex feels great
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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